I was going insane from the inside out

Real change happens slowly in the steady calm, like the sun rising, sure and bright. MY STORY I was stressed to the max. I was a full time working mom with three kids and I couldn't see more than a few minutes in front of me. Every morning started with a sprint (and not the good kind). The kind of race that makes you crazy. Getting out of our house was like squeezing through the eye of a needle. So many people. SO much stuff. One tiny door. Loading the car each day was like packing for a road trip. My brain couldn't retain all the information. I couldn't plan ahead. I could barely recall dates for upcoming events. I missed deadline for sign ups, and flew in late to everything. My house was in disarray. I wasn't inviting anyone over unless I had two days to scrub it down. My car had stuff falling out of it when the doors opened (and this hasn't changed😂) I managed to pack healthy lunches and cook healthy dinners. I even went to the gym on my lunch break several times a week. But these few healthy habits were not enough to combat the damage all the stress and lack of sleep was doing to my health. Not to mention the need for coffee, sugar and chocolate to survive the day. The crazy part, was that no one knew. No one knew I was struggling. I looked like I had it all together, yet I was afraid it would all fall apart. I felt a desperate need to control everyone and everything so as not to lose my mind. I was angry. All. The. Time. 

I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know how to speak up. I didn't even know I was allowed to. The concept of advocating for myself was a joke. Heck I didn't even know that was a thing. I put all others FIRST, because I thought that was the way to happiness.  I was uncertain. In everything I did I wondered if it was right. I had lost confidence in my ability to make decisions. Even the smallest decision became overwhelming for me. "Should I drive through for coffee? No it's not healthy. But I am SO tired. Ok I'll drive through. But is costs SO much money! No no. I shouldn't go." I was going insane from the inside out. I wish I could say that what happened next was a big dramatic shift. That I decided to stop this madness and then it all got better. AND believe me, I tried that! But you can't just want to get better. I started thinking. Just a few small thoughts here and there. Just enough space to ask myself if this was what I wanted. And when the answer was no, I gave myself permission to go after what my heart wanted. I came home. I didn't return to work the next school year. I decided to homeschool my kids. And I went back to basics. Just me and my kids at home. Now to some of you this might sound crazy and counter intuitive, but this was my path. For the next 3 years I relearned what it meant to be a mother, to be a wife, to be a women. I relearned what it meant to be healthy. To learn what it meant to truly love myself as I am at this moment. And what I learned was that it is all about BALANCE. That is what I want to teach you. That balance doesn't mean equal. It is not a mathematical equation you can plug in and control the outcome. It comes when you let go. It comes when you rebuild. It comes when you can see again. And when you believe that you deserve to feel good. Really, really good. 

I have designed a course carefully put together to lead you down your own path. It does not list steps for you to follow. It doesn't come with a set of magical instructions. It doesn't punish you for failure. It just gives you a safe space to ask the hard questions. To dream the big scary dreams and to let those small thoughts have room to grow. 

Connect with me on Facebook and find out about upcoming events or schedule a consultation with me! 

https://m.facebook.com/Thebalancedlifehealthcoaching/ 

Now I have four children. One who is extra special and comes with extra needs (and a lot of poop). My life is fuller, messier, maybe even more crazy. But it is my life, the one I want. I still yell. I still get mad. I still struggle. But now I know that what is happening on the inside dictates what I see on the outside. ❤️