Whose voice is that?
I am joining the bloggersphere, not because I think I have something compelling to say or because I think people should listen to me. I am writing here so that you can get to know me. If you are going to share you're heart and soul with me you deserve to know a little about me as well. If you are going to reach out for help you should at least know who you are reaching out to.
What I hope to convey to you through this blog is that I don't have it all together, that I am a work in progress, that I am human just as much as you are. I want you to know that I have been and still am where you are. I am struggling daily to maintain the balance. I am lonely and overwhelmed many days. For example at this very moment I am strategically placing my laptop in a way that my three year old cannot touch it, I am making sure my 7 month old doesn't fall off the bench and simultaneously keeping an eye on my older boys while they are participating in a martial arts class. Balance.
Motherhood is hard. It is good. And it makes us real people. Have you read the story of Edward Tulane? It is about a porcelain rabbit named Edward who belongs to a little girl who adores him, but he only loves himself. He lives a comfortable happy life, until tragedy strikes when he is accidentally sent overboard on a ship. He spends some time on the bottom of the sea evaluating his life before he is rescued by a fisherman. He lives with different families over time and becomes more and more worn out and eventually is shattered to pieces. As Edward goes from place to place he also changes emotionally. He meets new people that help him along his path and he not only finds the true meaning of love but he also finds his way home. This is a story that teaches love comes from the hard stuff. It teaches that growth can happen even in the stagnant and that when we are truly broken and worn down we come to know who we really are. It is a journey that reminds me of motherhood.
As we go along this journey together you are going to hear some voices. There are some beliefs that you have come to because of the voices you have heard throughout your life. Your picture of motherhood exists and is setting the tone of how you treat yourself. As we move forward together there is going to be some soul searching, some lonely days, some absolute disasters, some complete meltdowns, and some moments when you will literally have no idea who you are or how you got here. It may feel like drowning a pitch black mental ocean, but together we will find land. And when you are there in those moments, when you truly feel you can't go on, when your driving and crying out whose voices will you hear?